TOPEKA, KS- After four years of tedious effort, Daniel White, divorced father of three, has created the world's first perfect Facebook page. The moment he "liked" the Macy Gray fan page it became official. "I thought sharing the 'What Does The Fox Say?' YouTube video would be the moment," Dan admitted, "But it was that last fanpage like that did the trick. My page is now complete!"
"Mr. White's ratio of articles shared to pages liked is the most efficient and aesthetically pleasing example of a personal Facebook page we have seen yet," said an anonymous source at Facebook. "I don't think even Mr. Zuckerberg has a page like this. Of course he refused my friend request but I heard Z's page doesn't even have a cover photo. Crazy, huh?"
Daniel White's page boasts 32 albums of photos ranging from his children playing at the beach to the company picnic where coworker and workplace crush, Tammy Bankhead, posed in a beautiful polka-dot summer dress. Daniel has also liked over 200 pages including the Kansas Jayhawks basketball fan page and the Dale Earnhardt Jr King of Racing page. His political tastes land squarely down the middle as he has liked both Republican and Democrat pages. He has liked pages for Toy Story 1, 2 and 3. He has even liked the "I HATE Toy Story" page to represent all views. His well rounded perspective on all that Facebook has to offer is unique in the world of social networking.
"The uniformity of his views and tastes is quite remarkable," said an anonymous coworker who asked not to be identified as his workplace crush. "You can't get more average or neutral than Dan."
When asked about the accomplishment Dan's children said they were very happy and looked forward to speaking with their father some day about this or any other subject. Eight year old Caitlynn, said she couldn't remember what her father's voice sounded like except for his occasional laugh at "some stuff he seen on his phone." Derek, 12 years old, happily recounted the time they were at the beach and he got to see his dad for a few moments as he took pictures of Derek and his sisters playing in the sand.
"He was so excited to use the camera on his new phone. He didn't call me Dirk for once. I was shocked he remembered my real name. Those were some good pictures he took. That's the only time I saw him that whole trip. He went back to the beach house to download the shots onto his laptop. I guess he didn't want to get sand on it." When she was asked about this, 5 year old Doris only responded that she "wants Gogurt".
Dan's co-workers were equally impressed with his perfect Facebook page. When asked whether there was any chance the crush could lead to something more, Tammy Bankhead responded, "What? Which one is Dan?"
Daniel White says he doesn't know if he should continue adding to his page now that it has achieved 'Internet Nirvana" but he will be looking at it daily to admire his handiwork. When asked if he had any goals for his Twitter page he replied, "Never heard of it."
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